New School Year Brings Fears and Phobias

By Janice Friesen, LCSW

Trevor has been attending elementary school for three years and has been doing well earning B's and exhibiting few discipline problems. Before entering the fourth grade he started saying he didn't want to go to school, and when the first day of classes began he wouldn't budge from his bedroom. When his mother said he would have to go or they would both be in trouble he became frightened, agitated and upset -- he was not going under any circumstances.

Most kids are ready to go back to school after a summer vacation. The majority of children love school. They just hate the homework. Getting kids back into the structure and schedule of going to school can be challenging but can be minimized with a little additional planning by parents. Many kids who find it difficult to begin a school year fall into one of two categories; those that are naturally hesitant to try new things and need extra encouragement from their parents, and those who develop a true phobia about school and require professional help to assure that they can face their fears and overcome them.

Get Back In the Groove

Here are some ways to help your child adjust to going back to school no matter the severity of their fear. As the first day of school approaches, talk with your child about their summer fun and what they want to share with their classmates when they start getting back to class? Start getting them to bed a little earlier and getting them up a little earlier to get into the habit of a daily school schedule. (Sometimes, for kids, just the change in sleep schedule from the lazy days of summer can be enough to throw off even the most enthusiastic student.)

When they start school don't pile on too many responsibilities. Provide your child with a separate place to do homework. Get a new backpack and buy school supplies -- what ever you can afford. (For those who can't afford it, some organizations supply kids' school items for free. If you can't afford a new wardrobe, buy clothes that are new to the child by shopping at resale shops or use hand-me-downs.)

The first year of middle and high school can be especially frightening for kids and can cause anxiousness. Most schools do a lot to introduce kids to the campus, such as tours given by upperclassmen to help them get acquainted with school facilities and introducing them to their locker. Parents are encouraged to be understanding and supportive of these first year fears. Do not ridicule, or shame them for having normal feelings. Keep up the positive reinforcement and remember that adjustment usually happens quickly and most children will be fine.

Resistant to Change

What is often called a school phobia but isn't is when a child doesn't adapt well to anything new, not just school. These children have a "slow-to-warm-up" temperament and don't like anything to change in their routine. The kids who are slow-to-warm-up show these signs at more times than just when its time to start going to school. Parents of these children face the child's resistance to change in the form of not wanting to go to school because they are facing something new -- a new teacher, classroom, school or project. These children don't have phobias as much as they are simply resistant to change.

These children have to go through a "getting used to it" period. New kindergartners need to know where their school is located, be walked around the school and shown where their room is going to be as soon as it is known. Parents should find opportunities to talk casually with their children about the school they will be attending in a low key way and discuss that they will be in one of these rooms every day. Explain that they will know some of the children from their neighborhood or church.

If the school is offering the chance to bring in a first time student early for orientation, take advantage of it. Reassure them and talk about school as something we all experience and can learn to enjoy. Ridicule and shame are unproductive. Never use guilt such as "you're a big boy or girl now and you can do it." Begin to remind the child of things they know how to do and like doing but were once apprehensive about starting. "Remember when you went to get your hair cut, you got used to that and you will get used to this too."

By discussing any activity that your child now enjoys that they were initially fearful of provides the positive reinforcement they need. Once they are in school, they can try new things by joining athletic teams, the band or other groups. "Slow-to-warm-up" children will say "no" to trying everything and if you force them they will develop some real problems in trusting you and how they relate to people and things. If you are expecting the resistance, use any opportunity you can to slowly introduce them to new things.

When it is difficult for your child to start something new, encourage them to try the activity a few times and if they don't like it they can do something else. Their resistance may occur again when they change schools or move. By the time they enter middle school don't forget the challenge you had when they entered elementary school. All kids are a little anxious about starting middle school or high school but slow-to-warm-up kids have another level of anxiousness. They need patient parents and extra attention to make them comfortable.

Phobia to School

What if your child refuses to go to school, becomes agitated and fearful? What is a parent to do? Brush off his protests and drag him to school or call the school counselor to arrange for a visit at home? School phobia is a real affliction and can be caused by a number of things. It can occur suddenly and is not just illustrated by a child saying, "I don't want to go to school." A true phobia causes a child to become anxious, frightened and upset. If your child demonstrates such a phobia call your pediatrician and seek a referral to a mental health professional who has experience with children and can develop a treatment plan to address the issue.

Janice Friesen is a licensed social worker in Bay Valley Medical Group’s Hayward office. To schedule an appointment with her, please call 510-293-5636.