The Other Midlife Crisis

Ronald Hull, D.P.M.

When one thinks of a midlife crisis, they probably think of people past 40 or 50 years old experiencing thinning hair with bits of gray and the need to wear glasses for the first time to read the newspaper. This is generally the time when those in midlife have children who are finally old enough to experience independence and begin shaping lives of their own.

But then it happens, the “new” children begin needing assistance – your aging parents. While the amount of help needed varies with age and health, the care and responsibility associated with aging parents is often overlooked.

Those parental roles of stability, discipline, and guidance begin to transition to you, and your parents now seek your assistance and advice. This can be a gradual development, but if you are not paying attention or are in denial, it can hit like a tsunami due to a major event.

Noticing small behavioral changes that seem unusual are the first clues. A stay-at-home mother who kept the house immaculate and always had dinner ready on time is now allowing dust to settle, isn’t so interested in cooking and is starting to forget her appointments. A frugal father who always paid bills on time, maintained the garden and kept the cars clean is exhibiting similar behavior. There’s cash in the bank, but some bills are becoming past due because they were misplaced or forgotten about. Hitting the fence while backing out of the driveway in the car becomes the story of “the fence attacking the car.”

Do some of these changes sound familiar with your aging parents? I have been there and done that, and the best advice I can give to you is to be proactive in getting help for your parents as soon as possible. Events like these are indicators that your parents are going to need additional assistance. This transition is not easy, but aging parents need caring help now more than ever.

It’s time to get involved and learn as much as you can about important issues such as their finances, insurance coverage and policies, who their doctors are and what medications they are taking. This may involve discussing uncomfortable topics like advance directives, making a will, and considering final arrangements.

Preparing as much as possible before an adverse event happens will allow you to be with them during that time, and give you the peace of mind that you are doing what they would want. It will also allow you to enjoy the quality time you still do have.

Here are several links to resources that may help you prepare and provide assistance for your aging parents:

Aging Parents Need Help
Aging Parents Resources
Questions for Aging Parents
Aging Parents Checklists

Dr. Hull practices podiatry in Bay Valley Medical Group’s Hayward and Castro Valley offices. To schedule and appointment, please call: 510-785-5000.